Most days here at the Roundup, I point out surprises either delightful or exasperating.  But looking at today's news, I didn't even bat an eyelash:

-- Sam Wurzelbacher, the pseudonymous Republican icon "Joe the Plumber," is a homophobe! Who could've seen that coming?  Joe says he has gay friends (where do the bigots get these people?) but "I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children." Well, of course "Joe" wouldn't -- gay men would only teach the kids that there's more to life than snaking septic pipes and who'd run the family plumbing business then?

-- in a new poll, 67% of "feistier" Canadians say, "Canada should follow its own interests even if it leads to conflict with other nations." So it's a majority but not an overwhelming majority that might seem impolite.

-- evil gossipmongers TMZ tried to trick the Lynn-Crosbie-approved Adam Lambert into coming out. Oh, those 'American Idol' contestants are so wily:

Ray Lam has stepped down as NDP candidate for Vancouver False-Creek because of, he says, "inappropriate material on my private Facebook page."  Lam posted saucy photos of himself in his underwear and suddenly there they are in the Globe and Mail.  I don't get the controversy over his lack of pants:  since the public is always complaining of getting screwed by politicians, shouldn't they be pleased by one who's ready to go first?

Poor Lam obviously didn't pay attention to his Facebook etiquette classes back in the 1950s:

Speaking of saucy photos, here's Hugh Jackman getting ready for bondage action with a British Marine (note the smile!):

Oh, all right, it was just a stunt in London to promote his upcoming "Wolverine" movie, but meanwhile, in the current issue of "Uncanny X-Men," the comic book version of Wolverine is keen to bring back Northstar, Canada's greatest Quebecois gay Olympic athlete mutant superhero:

If you insist that your sexy athletes, you know, exist, then Nick Symmonds is your man -- he makes Nike's new "natural" ad campaign essential viewing:

Hey!  Look at this fucking hipster!

And finally, someone has (yes!) written some Anderson Cooper porn:

CNN's Anderson Cooper should have his dirty, little gutter mouth washed out with soap. 

Hot!  Oh wait...it's actually a whiny rant by an angry right-wing Christian.  Business as usual, never mind, let's move on...!

"How do you defend yourself against a man with two dildos?"

"Borat" star Sacha Baron Cohen aims to answer that in this summer's cheerfully offensive film "Bruno:"

Cohen is also reportedly working on a song for the movie that will include vocals by Bono, Chris Martin, Elton John and Madonna -- all in a quest for his gay fashionista character to become "the biggest Austrian celebrity since Adolph Hitler."

"Where was Stephen Harper during the big G20 photo-op?"

The BBC reported that he was "in the loo" but Harper says no, "I was detained in some consultations with officials."  We're going to split the difference and say that Harper was detained in the loo "consulting" with officials because hey, spreading rumours is fun!

"Can gays and straights share a White Party?"

Montreal promoter Michael Armstrong thinks so, as his Easter Weekend "Bal en Blanc" event is ready to go and more environmentally sound than ever.  I've already done my part by recycling that last Stephen Harper joke!

"Who leaked the 'Wolverine' movie?"

I thought it was an April Fool's Day joke but no, you can download a rough cut of Hugh Jackman's new "X-Men" prequel from one of those nasty BitTorrent sites. I would never condone such a thing, of course -- some things are worth seeing in IMAX:

"Do your parents know about safe sex?"

Isn't it time you sat them down and had The Talk?

"Is it completely ridiculous to include Illinois Rep. John Shimkus on a climate change discussion panel?"

I'm gonna go with a big 'yes' on that one:

Line of the week so far?  Jon Stewart on right-wing homophobes:  "This isn’t a cultural divide: They’re wrong."

And in a perfect segue, the "Traditional Values Coalition" is screaming mad over attempts to end the US ban on gay people serving in the military (Really?  I thought bigger armies was a traditional American value).  In typical wingnut style, they go completely foaming at the mouth:

In addition to the coming persecution of straight soldiers, what about the unrestrained drug and sex antics committed by young male homosexuals? Homosexual sex is consistently related to drug use, including crystal meth and other sexually-stimulating drugs. What sort of chaos will be caused in the military by bare-backing parties and other forms of homosexual orgies?

Sigh -- if only! But before you start thinking that TVC head Lou Sheldon and his merry band of mouth-breathers are completely insane, it's only fair to point out that they were watching what they thought was a documentary: 

Years ago, the US ratings board created an 'NC-17' rating to help protect saucy art films from being labelled as porn. Sadly, it didn't work -- NC-17 movies are shunned in many states anyway.  Such is the fate that awaits "Bruno," Sacha Baron Cohen's first film since "Borat" -- apparently, there's too much anal sex in it. We'll see for ourselves in July!

Next month's "Wolverine" film starring Hugh Jackman is sadly not rated NC-17 -- dashing any hopes I might have had after seeing this new shot of Ryan Reynolds as the insane mercenary Deadpool:

And hey, while we're passing out the eye-candy, haaaaaaave you met model Stefan Podany?



And finally, Toronto's own James Collins and "Shortbus" singer Jay Brannan both asked very nicely that we all post their new videos on our blogs and who could say no to such lovelies?

Did you make any for yourself?  I normally don't -- my sweeping declarations on how I'll improve my life usually come after every weekend -- but this year, I'd thought I'd share a few:

-- Work out like Hugh Jackman...even if it kills me! 

-- Get out there and have as much fun as a priest

-- Stop upsetting Nancy Robertson with my pornographic hand-holding

-- Stop hacking into celebrities' Twitter accounts:

-- Lay off the steroids!

-- Study the Bible with Prince (cause he is funky!)