Strange things happen when you don't:

After a summer of ranting in the US over health care reform, both left and right held their collective breath for Barack Obama's big policy speech last night and it was...fine.  A predictably eloquent yet middle-of-the-road summary that gives Obama the advantage of making anyone who opposes his fair-minded reform plans look like a total asshole -- oh, and here's one right on cue:

Remember when anyone who opposed Bush's disastrous war on Iraq was told to shut up and "support the president?" How quickly they forget!

But of course, all this drama was overshadowed by the news that Ellen Degeneres has been chosen to replace Paula Abdul as the new permanent judge on American Idol!  Finally, someone gayer than Simon Cowell and it surprised a lot of us who had her pegged as more of a 'So You Think You Can Dance' girl:

Ellen is so excited about her new role on 'Idol' that she's already run out and become addicted to Percocets!

Before all that 'Idol' worship, however, we'll all need a break and I'm happy to say I'm getting one last cottage weekend in, so I'll be back on Monday but first, with ronight's season premiere of hot-guys-hunting-monsters show 'Supernatural' (or next Wednesday on Space), I'll leave you with the most gratuitous website ever -- The Shrine of Jared Padalecki's Ass.  Enjoy!

It's been a day of higher education as Ellen Degeneres addressed a graduating class, letting them know that they're all gay:

But our eyes were cast over to the U.S. Naval Academy, as students greased themselves up for the annual tradition of climbing a 21-foot-high pole:

And our favourite huffy newsman Keith Olbermann schooled Republican head Michael Steele for his ridiculous insistence that gay marriage will ruin the economy:

But it's not just the right-wingers getting schooled -- our favourite sexy newsman Anderson Cooper's sending Barack Obama to detention over his failures on gay rights:

And now for something completely different...
As much as I delight in providing Canada's daily dose of Big Gay News 'n' Snark^TM, it's time for a vacation. 

It seems my zany mom is off to Europe for two weeks and insisted I come along.  How could I say no to that?  Easily, some friends of mine have said -- how much fun can you have travelling with your mom?  Good question, but not an easy one to answer:  my mom and I have had an odd, sometimes rocky relationship.  I always joke that it was disturbingly well-captured by a little show we like to call Ab Fab:

All I know is that, regardless of where I'll be these next two weeks, I'd hate to abandon you, my tens of faithful readers.  I can't promise I'll update this blog every day, nor for very long, but I'll give it my best shot, putting the internet cafes of Europe to the test.  I've got a bunch mapped out, along with the museums, nightclubs, tourist attractions, cruising parks (did I say cruising parks?  I meant art galleries!  Hey mom, better check out that jewellery store way over there!) -- I'll do my best to keep you posted on all of it!

The whole trip's a risk but nothing like that of this group of gay protesters in Beirut. This is believed to be the first gay protest in the Arab world so take a good look -- these are some of the bravest people on the planet:

So I'll be back hopefully tomorrow but, if not, here's something that'll keep you busy in the meantime:

Greg Rutter's Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something

Now wish me luck -- I've got a flight to catch!

Today, it's news of the inhuman: superheroes, zombies, Italian fashion designers and John Mayer!

Comic book fans are nervous: bad enough that Batman is apparently dead but he's being replaced with a sleek, red-haired lesbian!  The June issue of "Detective Comics" will introduce Batwoman to nervous nerds afraid of the change.  But is it such a radical change?  She'll still be more butch than Robin.

UK singer Will Young is back with a sad new single and its peculiar, superhero-themed video:

A real-life hero is Australian Olympic-gold-medal-winning diver Matthew Mitcham, who was once nervous about being passed over for endorsements for being out of the closet but has finally scored a deal with a big telecom company. After the brouhaha over Michael Phelp's loss of endorsements last week, we'll have to hope Mitcham can keep from wrapping his lips around a bong pipe but somehow I think he'll be fine!

Other business news today involves the maker of elevator music filing for bankruptcy.  Muzak is in a sad financial state but the filing was made easier by lawyers who took out all the legal jargon and played it back on a pan flute.

How did talking about Muzak lead to John Mayer?  No idea.  But here he is in a bathroom stall(!!) with Ellen Degeneres(??!!), performing the week's strangest duet:

Also odd is the cameo by fashion designers Dolce and Gabbana, playing priests in a new film from the director of "Chicago."

But there's nothing strange about the slick new redesign for one of the internet's hottest sites, Made in Brazil:

Pit that site's hotties against 37-year-old Irishman Max Krzyzanowski, winner of the first Mr. Gay World pageant, held this week in Whistler, BC (Canada's own Darren Bruce came in fifth!)  The winner says gay young people need to stop feeling afraid of how other people judge them but Max, isn't that easy to say while you're holding a giant trophy?

The man has a point though:  let fear stop you from chasing your dreams and you'll just end up spending your days playing video games or masturbating.  But what if you could play video games while masturbating? Well, that's a whole different story:

But lesbian superheroes, fashionista priests and Atari handjobs pale in comparison to the epic madness that is "Otto: Or, Up With Dead People." Bruce LaBruce's gay zombie opus is this week's coolest new DVD:

Beloved by millions of fans since 1929, Tintin the boy reporter is looking good for 80 but gay journalist Matthew Parris chalks it up to moisturizer. Tintin, he says, is gay gay gay and Parris' column has raised a stink in Europe. The author points out that our eternally youthful hero has never had a love interest but while I don't think there's enough evidence to claim Tintin as one of our own just yet, he is at least sailor-curious!

More fun with single-name celebrities: watch Oprah try to wrap her brain around the perfectly lovely sentiment that "being gay is a gift from God."

Accepting her Best Talk Show Host People's Choice Award last night, Ellen Degeneres referenced the California Prop 8 gay marriage ban by thanking her "roommate" Portia DeRossi (zing!) but if you're still holding some racist grudge against black support for the marriage ban, knock it off: a new report shows that religion, not race, was the deciding factor against us.

Those holding a grudge against Barack Obama for choosing anti-gay-marriage evangelist Rick Warren to bless his inauguration have repeatedly been told that Warren couldn't be a homophobe because he's worked on relief efforts for AIDS in Africa. Since AIDS predominantly affects heterosexuals in Africa, this line makes no sense but now journalist Max Blumenthal reveals it's even worse than that. Warren is a first-class creep and Obama doesn't get it.

As the economy falters, the US government has bailed out Wall Street and the auto industry, so why not porn?  Think about the hand-outs!  Liquid assets!  A stimulus package!  The surging -- oh all right, I'm done.

By the way, I'd be happy to discuss what our Canadian government is up to but, oh yeah -- we don't have one!

Let's go back to celebrities!  Many of you loved those pics of Daniel Craig swimming in St. Barts and wanted more, so here's some shots of Steve Martin and Martin Short swimming in St. Barts.  What's that?  You wanted more Daniel Craig?  Oops.

Well, who knows...he may yet turn. This episode of "Bitter Lawyer" makes it look easy!