Wow, normally I'll rather eat my own foot than watch "Dr. Phil" but this week, Oprah's favourite TV therapist came through, devoting an hour to the delicate topic of "gender confused children." The comments on his website are a fascinating window on where people are at on this. Now if we could just get these kind of shows to quit "balancing" the views of, in this case, a professional child psychiatrist guest with some lesser-light from the anti-gay activist group "Focus on the Family." It's like having a discussion on the rainforest with a National Geographic researcher and a member of the Flat Earth Society!

Also looking out for children is the Catholic Church -- in an effort to solve their decades-old problem of paedophile priests (better late than never!), the Vatican will now have psychological screening for "homosexual tendencies." Openly gay priests will be cast out while child molesters, who don't see themselves as gay, will continue to infect their ranks. Nice shooting, Tex.

Here's a fun drinking game for tonight: a shot for every drag queen dressed as Sarah Palin!

Godwin's Law says the first debater to compare his opponent to a Nazi or Hitler loses the argument. Let's hope that's true in the gay marriage vote in California because, oh yes, they went there:

Another rough day on the campaign trail for John McCain: his spokespeople...well...just aren't very good and now, in a really embarrassing moment, even Joe the Plumber has abandoned him!

On election night Tuesday, CNN will try something new: Wolf Blitzer won't talk to McCain and Obama surrogates via split-screen as usual but via holograms of them in the studio.

With this experiment on Blitzer's show, the news network is curious how people will react to a fuzzy simulation slightly out of phase with reality. Not to mention the hologram!

“Sometimes homophobia is seen as less important than racism,” says Irish president Mary McAleese, “Nobody should have to suffer because of their sexual orientation in this country.” Someone across the pond please buy the lady a Guinness!

Hospitals are finding their blood reserves at their lowest in ten years. Anything I could say right now would just sound even more snide than usual so let's wrap things up with a blast from the past: KISS performing on a 1976 Halloween special hosted by legendary bitch Paul Lynde.  Happy Halloween everybody!

Oh no! Those damn Hollywood liberals are back, bugging everyone to vote (You're not my dad, Harrison Ford!!!). Aww but wait -- there's Borat!  And Neil Patrick Harris, being extra-adorable! Okay fine, I'll watch it -- just please stop Jason Segal yelling at me:

So sure, I love a good left-wing, pro-environment public service announcement as much as the next organic food store shopper but someone seriously needs to take Greenpeace aside and say, "What the fuck were you thinking?" Their new ad, with its just-in-time-for-Halloween zombie JFK, is beyond creepy:

But, in the interest of fairness, it's important to note that there are Republican celebrities too (at least I think they're celebrities). They've joined forces against Minnesota candidate and former "Saturday Night Live" writer Al Franken, creator of nelly advice guru Stuart Smalley. Franken's good enough, he's smart enough, but doggone it, they really don't like him:

And while anything can happen with the US election next Tuesday, I have to admit to feeling a little sorry for John McCain: he got shafted today, not just in this drop-the-hammer ad from Barack Obama but by his own running mate Sarah Palin! It's like they say in Alaska: "Never trust a pitbull in lipstick with your moose from Neiman Marcus." Or something like that.

But since we're talking politics just before Halloween, check out this ad for anti-gay-marriage rally in San Diego -- I find the voiceover hilarious even as the content chills me down to my bones:

Fortunately, the LA Times has an excellent point/counterpoint on the whole ugly debate and, whatever happens in California on Tuesday, blogger Brian Frank gives us "Five Reasons Why the Opponents of Gay Marriage Will Ultimately Fail."

Suitably reassured, I can turn to more fictional Halloween terrors. I'm thinking of digging up an old favourite: "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge" is the Gayest. Movie. Ever. (Yes, I'm including "Showgirls") Here's just one example:

People ask me all the time: "Hey Sparky, what have you got against Zac Efron? That is one fine lookin' boy!"

Well, I suppose I've got three solid reasons, all of them containing the words 'High,' 'School' and 'Musical,' but what really puts Efron on notice for me is the news that he's starring in and has script approval(!!!) on a remake of "Footloose." Just the thought of him dancing to a Miley Cyrus cover of "Let's Hear It For the Boy" makes me weep for the future.

It's kind of like watching these California children who've been taught an anti-gay-marriage song. I warn you now -- in the days before Halloween, this may be the most horrifying thing you'll see all week:

Wow.  I'm so appalled by that that I'm hereby hijacking this Canadian blog and adding it to the hundreds of American ones that'll be taking part in an Internet protest today:

Click on the image and you can feel the trembling from California, can't you?  It's not an earthquake!

Oh well, it's a start -- not quite as big as Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial airing tonight at 8pm on NBC, CBS, Fox, MSNBC and BET (but will it feature his groovy speech remix?). If that doesn't seem like such a big deal, remember: the last black man to get that much TV coverage was OJ Simpson!

Brian Grazer, producer of the upcoming "Da Vinci Code" sequel, really knows how to get bums in seats. In talking about star Tom Hanks, he says, "I'm telling you, he's got a scene where he's swimming in Speedos, and he looks fantastic." Brian, I might have to just take your word for that.

And finally, I was asked to post a classic bit of satire: "Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene." It's snark at its finest!

I'm generally fond of that Irish chain-smoking "asshole" Denis Leary (his firefighter TV drama "Rescue Me" is terrific) but here's how he's lamely defending his use of the word "fag" in his new book:  "I come from a Catholic background where the nuns were always telling you, 'Don't do this, don't say this,' so any time anyone tells me I shouldn't say something, my reaction is, 'Why not?'"

Oh I see, Denis -- you're rebelling against authoritarian nuns by mocking the people they regard as heathens or worse? Wow, I'm sure that's got 'em trembling under their black robes, big man.

I think it just might be time we can start saying "legendary Canadian playwright" Daniel MacIvor, as he's just been granted Canada's biggest theatre award, one based on mentorship. Congratulations to a great talent and, with a prize of $100,000, the first round at Tallulah's Cabaret will be on him!

Sorry Ellen, but Rachel Maddow is the smartest lesbian on TV and her new show is actually challenging news giant CNN in the ratings!

Grab a box of Kleenex, cause here comes some sweet-ass mobile-phone porn!

A new British poll shows that 23% of respondents under the age of 25 have had gay sex while a whopping 24% overall think gays should be in prison. The remaining 50-plus percent just has the occasional fantasy about gay sex in prison.

The end is finally in sight for the US election campaign (this ad, by the way, is fucking awesome) and we love how Barack Obama can say the word "gay" without flinching like a lot of politicians do. Yesterday, Obama made a stirring and stunning closing argument.  Of course this means he must die.

And finally, more on the gay marriage fight in California: while gay congressman Barney Frank put the smackdown on a debate opponent, YouTube is full of supportive ads both funny and fiery but this is the one that you'll want to send to every Christian you know:

Australian researchers have found a genetic link between male-to-female transsexuality and the genes that control testosterone. Now if you're a man who looks fabulous in a dress, you can say, "I know! I was born this way!"  (No word yet on any genetic basis for preferring a Vera Wang over a Marc Jacobs)

Despite the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the US military fired on Syria this weekend. War is like potato chips to these guys.

But we're just over a week until the US election and things look grim for John McCain. Check out these numbers from Albuquerque, New Mexico, Saturday night:
Crowd for Senator Obama: 35,000 inside the venue and another 10,000-15,000 outside.
Crowd for Senator McCain: 1,400 according to the McCain campaign, 1,000 or less according to reporters.

Next day, Obama spoke in Denver:

No wonder the McCain people are freaking out and mailing Jewish voters weird reminders of the Holocaust -- implosion!

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin is now disobeying him on the campaign trail.  Poor guy.  It's an old story: old man meets ambitious working girl, introduces her to his influential friends, buys her $150,000 worth of fancy clothes and then watches her run off in her new red powerdress. It's 'Pretty Woman' but with a Washington ending!

And, in the other ballot-box drama: here's something new about the people trying to stop gay marriage in California -- they really hate being filmed!

This level of anger makes it all the weirder that Mormon and sci-fi author Orson Scott Card can't understand why gay people are upset about their right to marry in California being taken away:  "What's the hurry? Why the hostility toward even the slightest opposition? Can't our opponents wait to get their way until they have persuaded a clear majority? Can't they listen to people with ideas that are different from theirs?" Orson, Orson, we've talked about this before:  go read some Martin Luther King and then come and rant us again, okay?  Kisses!