The stock market took a big hit yesterday after the US Congress failed to pass the controversial Wall Street bailout. Democrats largely went along with Bush's plan but Republicans surprisingly shot it down in flames and then not so surprisingly blamed it on the Democrats. Openly gay congressman Barney Frank responded amusingly but right-wing pundits are saying it was his fault, him and all the gays. They're suggesting a link between banks' failures and their diversity policies and insisting that the whole financial mess can only be fixed by ending gay marriage: "The nation will right itself if it fixes sex." Now I'm confused: America should focus less on its financial problems and obsess more on gays? Isn't that what they've been doing for eight years?

A 19-year-old in Florida on trial for murder insists that being the subject of gay rumours forced him to kill. Please. If that were the case, John Baird would be a mass-murderer by now.

Heather Locklear was arrested for "erratic driving while on prescription pills." Oh Heather, you don't need this -- after starring in "Dynasty" and "Melrose Place," you're already a gay icon!

I know, I know -- still more Sarah Palin! But dammit, she's funnier than ever! Once you're done playing with The Sarah Palin Interview Generator, check out her latest interview: after embarrassing herself on the Pakistan issue, Daddy had to come in and help. The results are hilarious:

We often have to hear the lame complaint that the visibility of gay marriage will be "confusing" to children (ie. make them gay) so, by that logic, this week's nuclear-fusion wedding between Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson will end homosexuality forever!

And finally, a little something for the pervs out there. Have you been yearning to watch hardcore porn at work? Well, the fine folks at Diesel have come to your rescue with their "Safe For Work XXX" video:

While plugging his right-wing comedy "An American Carol" opening this week, "Naked Gun" director David Zucker whined about the status of conservatives in Hollywood: "You sort of feel like you have to hide it. When you meet, you give each other a secret look -- 'Are you a Republican too?' It's the new gay." He's right -- just this weekend, a conservative in Vancouver was viciously assaulted by a group of thugs. Oh wait, no, that was a hate crime against a gay man. I always get my victimized minorities confused!

Conservatives love to say that they're "the party of ideas" and that's certainly true. Consider this typical gem from US Republican Rep. John LaBruzzo: he wants to end welfare by offering poor women $1,000 to be sterilized. Classy!  Unfortunately for LaBruzzo, it's not a new idea -- it was also tried in Canada, Japan and (most famously!) in Germany.

It's hard for right-wingers: they can't even get help from Stephen Harper who, believe it or not, isn't conservative enough for them. All these cutesy sweater ads -- where's the fire? The brimstone? The back-alley abortions?

And new conservative pin-up girl Sarah Palin just can't catch a break: an Alaskan music teacher has revealed her belief that dinosaurs and man coexisted; Tina Fey mocked her on "Saturday Night Live" simply by repeating her own words in the Katie Couric interview; and video of the then-Sarah-Heath competing in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant is now all over the net. Even fellow conservatives like pundit Kathleen Parker are saying it's time for Palin to go but Parker's just jealous she doesn't look this good:

Even the Internet hates conservatives -- Google has turned on them by openly advocating against California's proposed ban on gay marriage: "We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 -- we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love." Oh Google, how can you spew such hatred?

But why pick on conservatives when it's more fun to salute a great liberal: Paul Newman, actor and philanthropist, died at this home on Friday at the age of 83. A close friend of writer Gore Vidal, Newman was a founding donor to the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance and once said, "I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being...by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."

Newman did a screen test with James Dean for the lead in "East of Eden." It's an amazing '50s moment (once the sound kicks in) as Dean flirts with Newman, who clearly likes the attention!

Just when I feel I never want to hear, discuss or think about Sarah Palin ever again (notice I didn't even mention her predictably disastrous interview with Katie Couric), along comes a video like this, in which the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee is seen in her old church in 2005 being anointed by an African minister to protect her against witchcraft. Palin truly is the gift that keeps on giving:

But why does this footage seem so familiar?

Oh. Right:

I worry because Americans have had a lousy track record in keeping fundamentalist morons out of the White House but the ever-perky Sarah Silverman has a plan:

As our All Video Friday continues, would segueing from elderly Jews to a parody of Adolph Hitler's meltdown from "Downfall" be completely inappropriate and tasteless? Of course it would, but Stephen Harper just seems to inspire people:

MTV Canada's Daryn Jones was inspired too -- sure he looks and sounds nothing like the Prime Minister but you gotta love him for taking his best shot in the campaign ad we'd like to see:

With US vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden speaking to a gay rights group this week, Peter LaBarbera, founder of Republicans for Family Values, is livid that the Democrats "are now fully in bed with the homosexual activist lobby." Yes they are, Peter -- in fact, they're enjoying themselves and I just know you're picturing every moment of it in your head.

The other potential VP, Sarah Palin, is livid that a 20-year-old hacked into her Yahoo mail account and posted her email on the Internet, but "hacked" is too strong a word: the guy just guessed her security questions and retrieved her password. Riiiiiight... the woman who can't protect her email from a college student thinks she can fight Al-Queda.

"THE GAY CONSERVATIVE IS BACK!" shrieks the blog of Chris Reid, whose slew of Toronto radio appearances this week ended our long national nightmare following him being silenced being fired quietly resigning from the Toronto Centre race. Reid writes, "This is where political correctness has gotten in this country - a Conservative Party that is affraid to proudly be conservative, and a media that can't be bothered to analyze anything. The media is simply focused on the "gaffe" this caused the campaign, with no analysis of what I actually said." Gee, I dunno, Chris -- I looked at what you actually said and I've also noticed that you can't spell "afraid."

Is Roger Ebert too witty for his own good?  A Q&A riff on creationism has people seriously wondering if he's a fundamentalist. It's called satire, people. C'mon!

From The TMI Files: 

• Gawker exploiting Elizabeth Wurtzel exploiting David Foster Wallace: a blog posting that goes from icky to hilariously bitchy to rather poignant. Wallace was one of the good ones.
• Photos from the Filthiest House Ever (do not eat before viewing!)
• British girl on holiday in Greece had her face rearranged by an exotic beverage.  I may never drink another Mai Thai!

And finally, the Pet Shop Boys released their iconic "Very" album 15 years ago this week and OH GOD I AM SO CRUSHINGLY OLD I CAN'T EVEN and whoa and okay here's the song I came out to:

I believe in honesty so I'll admit it: I'm not feeling very funny today; just a bit annoyed. You know that dizzy, confused feeling you get from the crazy plot-twist endings of movies like "The Sixth Sense" or "The Usual Suspects?" Try to imagine the exact utter opposite of that and you'll have the world's reaction to the announcement that Clay Aiken is gay.

Now Clay (can I call you Clay?), I'm not trying to pick on you. Your coming out is a brave act of honesty that's appreciated even as it comes long, long after anyone could ever give a shit. It's just that, right after becoming a star on "American Idol" in 2002, you almost immediately began denying rumours about your sexuality, finally whining to People magazine in 2006, "It doesn't matter what I say. People are going to believe what they want." Only when they clearly know you're lying, you little tool! Even when one of your Manhunt tricks went and posted your webcam pics on the Internet (which, yes, is very wrong), you still hid and lied. No one cared! You could have come out then but no -- still this ridiculous pretense that's even less plausible than that of Ricky Martin.

I pick on Clay Aiken because of Will Young. In 2002, at the age of 23, he was the winner of the original "Pop Idol" in the UK (Aiken appeared later that year on the subsequent American version). Since then, they've both gained lots of fans and remained on the charts in their respective countries, except that Will Young came out immediately after his win. While Aiken spent the last six years lying to reporters (and probably himself), Young has been forthright about his sexuality in videos both sensitive and funny:

Is it fair to compare the two of them? Growing up in England was no doubt kinder to Will Young than Clay Aiken's American Southern Baptist upbringing but in an interview this week, the British pop star described himself as "the worst gay person ever" because he's reluctant to campaign for gay rights issues. That headline is now everywhere and it's unfair because it's never occurred to Young that it's possible to do even less. Cheers to Clay Aiken for finally telling the truth but, just like on "American Idol," he came in second.

With all that said, it's time once again for a big salute to Ellen DeGeneres, who schools everyone in how to be politically active, charming and funny, and to (who knew?) Lindsay Lohan, who's made the whole 'coming out' story kind of pointless by just living her life and dating her girlfriend out in the open. It's never been about labels, just honesty.